Nomar
The driver pulls away from the curb, leaving me staring up at St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, wondering what the fuck I’m doing.
I left Uzbekistan at oh-dark-thirty this morning, and after almost fifteen hours, landed at Logan a little after 5:00 p.m. Ford arranged for a car service to pick me up from the airport and take me to a hotel, but I had other plans.
By the time I figure out what floor Mateen is on, the twinge in my side has grown to a full-blown ache. The doctor didn’t want me flying this soon, but Ford’s updates have been few and far between. Fucking nine hour time difference.
He’s taking care of Joey. Calm the fuck down.
If only I could. Faruk is too smart, too rich, and too well connected to settle for failure. He’ll come for his son again. Even here. Six thousand miles away.
Two mountains of muscle stop me as soon as I get off the elevator. “This hallway is off limits.”
“Starfire.”
To the men’s credit, knowing the code word isn’t enough. They demand to see my passport, paw through my duffel bag, and spend five minutes on the phone verifying my identity with someone from Second Sight before they let me pass.
“Third door on the left,” the taller one says, but before I reach Mateen’s room, Lisette slips into the hall.
All the tension I’ve carried with me since I left Uzbekistan melts away in a single breath. A red t-shirt clings to her curves, and flowing black pants end just above her ankles. With her hair in a ponytail and no fresh bruises, she looks ten years younger.
She doesn’t notice me, moving to the nurse’s station and smiling at the woman behind the desk. “Mateen is hungry. Is he allowed to have more food tonight?”
The nurse checks her tablet. “Let me guess? The corndog was a hit?”
Lisette’s laughter soothes my soul. “He has never had one before. I fear he will never want anything else.”
“The cafe is open for another hour. I’ll call down for you.”
“Oh, thank you. He was nauseous most of the day. I want him to eat while he’s hungry.”
Lisette turns, and shock sends a flush darkening her cheeks. “Nomar!” I don’t get a chance to say a word before she rushes over to me. But she stops short of touching me. “I worried for you. We had to leave so quickly after…“ Her hand goes to her throat, fingers fluttering over subtle yellowish bruises.
“Got the all clear this morning and took the first flight out.”
Lisette’s eyes narrow on my duffel bag. “Did you come straight here?”
“Not…exactly.”
Gritting my teeth so she won’t see the pain it causes me, I bend down and retrieve a small box from my bag. “A buddy of mine works for Nintendo. Mateen’s going to be here for a couple of weeks, right? I thought he might enjoy the newest version.”
Her eyes shimmer. “You brought my son a gift.”
“Trevor told me his old one didn’t survive.” I shrug, staring down at my feet until Lisette’s arms wind around my waist. She smells like something warm, soft, and sweet. “It’s nothing—“
“It’s everything.” With a little sigh, she relaxes against me. “Come in and give it to him? He asks about you every day.”
I draw back enough to tip her chin up. “Me?”
“Why are you surprised? You saved our lives, Nomar. Mateen…” she shakes her head. “He loves his father. As all little boys do. But he knows Faruk hurt me. And after what happened…in Uzbekistan, he does not want to go back there ever again.”
The sorrow in her voice has me sliding my hand down to the small of her back. It’s not enough to ease my guilt or her pain. There’s nothing in this world that can. She’ll carry the memories with her for the rest of her life. But Mateen might forget. One day.
“Please,” she says and threads her fingers with mine. “Come say hello. He had a bad day, but he is feeling better now.”
“How bad?” Holding fast to keep her at my side, I scan her tired gaze, the bags under her eyes, the slump of her shoulders. “He’s getting the transplant, right?”
“In one week, yes. But first, his immune system must be…destroyed.” The word catches in her throat. “He has chemotherapy every day. By the weekend, he will no longer be allowed visitors. Even a simple cold could be life threatening. I will need to wear a mask and gloves at all times…”
Her eyes glisten with tears, but she blinks them away. “I will not be able to stay in the room with him at night. He will be all alone.”
I cup her cheek, skating my thumb just under her eye. Up close, I can still see the fading bruise, but it’s barely more than a memory now. Lisette stiffens for a beat, then leans into my hand. Shit. I don’t have any right to touch her. Not after everything she’s been through. And if she really knew me, she’d run—should run. If only I could help myself.
“He’s a strong kid, Lisette. And Ford…I’ve never met his boss, but he’s a legend in my world. No one’s getting to Mateen.”
My words do nothing to reassure her. She’s barely holding on. There’s a hollowness to her cheeks and a pallor to her skin that worry me.
“Who’s taking care of you, sweetheart? Are you sleeping? Eating?”
Lisette pulls away, angling her gaze to the floor. “Noele and my parents are here. Ford gave us an apartment three blocks away. They dote on Mateen.”
“That’s not what I asked.” I guide her to a padded bench against the wall and urge her down next to me. “When was the last time you slept?”
She still won’t look at me. “He has nightmares. All the time.”
“Can your sister stay with him? Even for a few hours? You need rest.”
The little shake of her head sends my frustration through the roof until she whispers, “To Mateen, she is the woman who brings him coloring books and looks like his Mama. He does not know her. When he napped yesterday, I went to the apartment to shower and change, but he had a nightmare. He screamed for me until I returned. Noele was heartbroken. My parents even more so.”
“So you haven’t had a break. At all.” The harsh edge to my voice has her shoulders curving inward.
Fuck. Be a little more sensitive, idiot.
Gentling my tone, I ask, “What can I do?”
Lisette swipes at a tear glistening on her cheek. “Come say hello to Mateen. Maybe…he will feel safe knowing you are here.”
“What about you?” I shouldn’t press her, but I have to know. “Do you feel safe? With me here?”
For several seconds, she holds my gaze. “I feel safer now than I have in ten years. Because of you.”
Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I hold her against me. I’m not this person. I go in, do the job, and get the fuck out. I’ve been the deadliest operator in the Afghan theater for more than fifteen years. But with Lisette, I see a chance for something more.
If only I were brave enough to take it.
Preorder Rogue Operator on your favorite retailer so you can start reading as soon as it releases on October 25th!